


Motherlover

by MediumSizedEvil



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, what is this I don't even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 09:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25468306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MediumSizedEvil/pseuds/MediumSizedEvil
Summary: So here it is, the Karen/Adrian/Laverne crackfic.“Pimento is sleeping with my mom!”
Relationships: Adrian Pimento/Laverne Holt, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Karen Peralta/Adrian Pimento, Karen Peralta/Adrian Pimento/Laverne Holt
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	Motherlover

“First you hook up with my best friend, and now my mom?” Jake exclaimed. “I'm glad my Nana's dead, peace be upon her.”

“Hey, I didn't sleep with Gina, okay?” Pimento protested. “I just fingered her behind a dumpster on 23rd street once.”

“What? I meant Rosa!”

“Oh yeah, Rosa.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Amy glowered.

“What about me?” Charles whimpered.

Pimento sighed. “How many best friends do you have? And just for the record, I've never slept with Boyle either.”

“But...you've slept with Amy?”

“No! I didn't say that, did I?” He shrugged. “Just that, you know, I wouldn't would not. Like, if you were murdered or something.”

“Over my dead body!” Jake shouted.

Pimento frowned. “Well, not right away, I suppose.”

“What is going on here?” Captain Holt interjected.

“Pimento is sleeping with my mom!”

“And is that a crime? She is an adult, presumably?”

“Exactly,” Pimento said. “See, there is absolutely no reason to make such a fuss about two consenting adults boning. Incidentally, Captain, I am also sleeping with your mother Laverne.”

“HOW DARE YOU I WILL END YOU AND SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE!”

  


*

  
Jake sat down on the couch next to his mom. “So I heard about you and Adrian Pimento, and Laverne Holt.”

Karen took his hand. “Yes, and I hope you won't judge me for it.”

“So you're telling me that you're...bisexual?”

“No!” she exclaimed. “Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean if some people wanted to be bisexual that would be totally fine with me and I would still love them all the same, you know?”

Jake frowned. “What what?”

She sighed. “Never mind. But it's not like that. We share him equally, like a fine wine. We have a schedule and everything. He is such a passionate young man.”

Jake made an effort not to gag. “Well, as long as you're happy, I guess.”

“Thank you, darling. You know, women don't reach their sexual peak until-”

“I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS!” he yelled while putting his fingers in his ears.

  


*

  
Jake sighed. “Well all right then, you have my blessing.”

Pimento nodded. “I appreciate it, son.” He put an arm around his shoulder. “You know, my mom's really lonely too, and-”

“NOOOOOOOO!”


End file.
